Review of new memoir<\/p>\n

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El Paso writer and journalist Robert Seltzer\u2019s absorbing new memoir tackles a difficult topic, Asperger\u2019s syndrome, in ways that can leave readers inspired both by his personal struggle and by his book\u2019s bittersweet yet uplifting insights. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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For three decades, Seltzer did not understand the unusual changes that kept happening to Christopher, his son. As a preteen, Chris had displayed maturity beyond his years, high intelligence, and reasonably good social skills.  Yet, as he grew older, Chris became increasingly withdrawn and sullen, less able to make and keep friends, and frequently unresponsive to questions or not willing to talk about anything except an odd and narrow range of topics: opera, mythology, and comic books. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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The author skillfully and unabashedly describes his confusion and anger at Chris\u2019s behavior and explains how it left him frustrated, unsympathetic, feeling like a failed parent, and often in need of escape from the realities of his family. Meanwhile, Chris\u2019s mother, Antonia, continued to keep faith that Chris someday would have a good future. Neither parent understood what was really happening to their son. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Tests finally revealed Chris had Asperger\u2019s syndrome, a rare neurodevelopment disorder on the autism spectrum. People with Asperger\u2019s typically exhibit normal or even superior intelligence yet have difficulties interacting and communicating with others. There are treatments to help manage the syndrome\u2019s effects, but no cure. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Once Seltzer could view his son through this strange lens, he realized he had meted out undeserved punishments while Chris was younger and ultimately pushed him away. Seltzer also felt he really did not know Chris anymore and needed to reconnect. He looked back at his own childhood and reflected on what had made him happy. Then, keeping those images in mind, he sought ways to establish new bonds with Chris\u2014as a friend, if not as his father.  <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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Families dealing with someone who has Asperger\u2019s may gain fresh perspectives from Seltzer\u2019s well-written book. So may others who are trying to deal with tough or broken relationships. Another point also becomes clear: efforts to change someone else\u2019s behavior or rebuild a shattered bond may require one to make significant changes, as well. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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That\u2019s how it happened for Seltzer. One December day in 2015, he invited Chris to meet him at a San Antonio mall, in the food court near a movie theater. Once they did meet, the author notes, \u201cI was uncertain what the future might hold. What I did know\u2014and what I am sure Chris knew as well\u2014was that something had changed, something vague but real…There was none of the defensive postures, the guarded attitudes, which had darkened most of our discussions in the past. We were open and spontaneous. It was refreshing, and it happened in the unlikeliest of places. A mall, a crummy mall.\u201d <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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They began a year-long, imperfect schedule of Thursday night meetings where they ate, talked, and then saw a movie. And Seltzer kept their focus on three topics he knew they could both discuss: books, music, and films. \u201cWe could discuss all three subjects for hours, one thought leapfrogging to another, the kind of spontaneous joy that should animate all conversations,\u201d Seltzer writes. \u201cThe talks were so engaging, so delightful, that whenever the discussions shifted to topics that triggered his verbosity\u2014yes, opera, mythology, and comic books\u2014I did not mind.\u201d Asperger\u2019s remained, but the gulf between father and son became much smaller. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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